Let me respond to your observation that you have anger issues. About 20% of the American population does. Some may have a body that takes longer to calm down once aroused. Others may have past experiences that reinforced feeling anger. What is important is that most of us can learn better to control our anger.
Begin with trying to control your behavior. While some matters do require responding to, outbursts are usually counter-productive. On the other hand, problem solving, assertion, and saying "no" to an unreasonable request can be very productive. Think before you act! Then act in ways likely to get you what you most want from the situation. (Invariably that involves a change in the situation, not getting back at somebody.)
Once behavior is under control, then begin to focus on the anger itself.
-Is the matter that made me angry important to me? If not try to get over being angry.
-Is my anger appropriate to the objective facts (not my interpretation!) of the situation? If not stop asking questions and focus on trying to be less angry.
-Can I modify the situation? If not, stop spinning your wheels going nowhere!
-When I consider the overall situation and the needs of everyone involved, is taking action worth it?
Four yeses, your anger is a signal you or someone you care about is being mistreated. Practice problem solving, assertion or saying no.
Any no, try to change your reaction.
Once behavior is under control and feelings are being evaluated before action is taken, there is a third step of getting over always being on the lookout for something going wrong. But that is subtle--concentrating on the first two steps of behavior and evaluating feelings is enough to focus on for the first while.
